Jujubes!
by AnnaAza
Summary: Based on Quaritch's quote "Every living thing...wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubees." If you liked "Avatar Trailer-the Parody!", you'll like the stupid, yet funny little jujube short!


**AN: Hey, hey, hey! This is AnnaAza and thank you SO much for your reviews on "Avatar Trailer-the Parody!" Thanks for adding that fanfic to Favorites! Glad you guys thought it was funny!**

**Orgin of this: Okay, in the movie, our dear, beloved Quaritch says "Out there beyond that fence...wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes!" Jujubes are Chinese fruit, that look sorta like eyeballs when peeled-yeah. They're really sweet and my favorite fruit. Anyway, I told my friends Sophie and Anya this , and we came up with this random funny little short. Hope you like!  
**

**DISCLAIMER: **

**I do not own "Avatar."  
**

**Jujubes Short**

(Quaritch is giving his speech)  
"Out beyond that fence every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes." the colonel proclaimed. Some shuddered, picturing wild Pandorian animals chomping on thier precious eyes and other various body parts.  
A RDA member stared a long time at his juicy, squishy jujubes. He turned green in the face, and slowly pushed them away.  
Quaritch watched stotically as the RDA member ran over to the trash can and barfed into it. Grace, who was doing her science stuff, grimaced. She needed to call the janitor later...

(Ney'tiri's snack)  
Ney'teri was chomping and chewing blissfully in the forest while Jake was practicing his bow and arrow. He "accidentely" shot Tsu'Tey in the shoulder. Accidentely, of course.  
Tsu'Tey cursed in the Na'vi language and yelled at Jake, "You freaking _skxaowng (_moron-I dunno if this is the right spelling)!" Jake saluted him and watched his tutor eat some strange fruit. They were round and small, dripping down her chin as she ate them with bliss. "Mmmm..."  
Jake approached her. "Wow, those look good!" He grabbed a few and shoved them in his mouth. "OMG, this is SO sweet and juicy! What is this??"  
Ney'tiri smiled at Jake, who was eating them like there was no tomorrow. "It's a special treat. Jujubes."  
Ney'tiri watched, puzzled, as Jake's face froze, his cheeks bulging with the fruit. She was unprepared for what came next.  
Jake spat the jujubes out on the ground and covered his eyes. "AGGGHHH!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" He started to run away back to the base, but as his eyes were covered, he ran into several trees on the way and also a torch. It landed on Tsu'Tey's treats he was cooking for his hopefully bride-to-be. They burst into flame.  
"NO!!! MY DESERTS!! NEY'TIRI WILL NEVER LOVE ME NOW!!!"  
Ney'tiri rolled her eyes. "I'll never love you, no matter what."

(Switch to Norm, who's having his lunch break)  
Jake was wheeling his wheelchair into the room. Norm noticed his friend's eyes, which were red. "Dude, what happened??"  
Jake mumbled something about Ney'tiri, can't be trusted, and eyeballs. He shook in his wheelchair, shuddering. Norm stared worriedly at Jake, then looked at Trudy. Trudy did a "cukoo" sign, which Jake didn't notice as he opened his lunch. Norm nodded.  
Suddenly lights flashed red and everyone gasped. An RDA guard prepared to escort the humans out in case. Trudy tensed and grabbed her gun. Grace gathered her science stuff, teaching supplies, and the book about life on Pandora. Jake wildly looked up and gasped. Norm stopped eating and stared as five armed guards and Quaritch raced into the lunch hall.  
Suddenly, he found a gun held to his heart. "Norm, you are under arrest!"  
Norm jumped. "Why?" They couldn't have found out that he accidentely once put a poisonous beetle in Selfridge's bed! Seriously, he didn't know! Selfridge WAS annoying, but he swore he didn't know it would cause red rashes, itching, swelling, bed rest for two weeks, vomiting, and diaherra. He immediately cursed.  
Quaritch grabbed at his lunch and held it in front of him. "You are a sick cannibal, Norm. Eating your own kind!"  
"What?" Norm frowned in confusion. Was this one of Trudy's pranks?  
Trudy looked surprised at Quaritch's angry roar, so it couldn't be her. Or Grace, who was looking at the bag in confusion. Or Jake, who was staring at Norm in disgust and astonishment.  
"EYEBALLS!" He threw Norm to the guards. "Take him into custody!"  
Norm yelled in protest as he was dragged away.  
Grace picked up the bag and sighed. "Jujubes."

(How the Na'vi REALLY won the battle)  
Ney'tiri called to the warriors. The battle was getting desprate, so many Na'vi were dead. She remembered Jake's final risk-the plan. She whistled and let out a battle cry, pointing her finger to the air. "Na'vi! To the skies!"  
They went on their Ekrans and other animals, fighting the RDA.  
Jake ordered, "FIRE!!"  
They threw their secret weapons!  
Quaritch looked at his window and saw the Na'vi throwing stuff at the planes. Several of them crashed. He heard screams of terror. "What the heck??" Several splat on the window. The colonel turned pale. Some of the RDA cringed. Trudy laughed manically as she threw several in Quaritch's face. He screamed, clawing at his face, trying to get it off. He backed out of a stupidly open door and fell, shrieking like a little girl. The Na'vi cheered as he let out his final cry...  
"JUJUBES!"  
Ney'tiri, on the ground, shook her head. "What is it with the Sky People and jujubes?"

**THE END!**


End file.
